My Broken Spirit is Frozen to The Core
by supernaturalsammy67
Summary: He can't do this anymore, and please just please...let him change. To get through this. Please. Dark, angst,sad-ish Tag to MBV


**Right- because I love this song ANG that last ep 'My Bloody Valentine' was...amazing. Phew. I had to write- had to-had to-had to :)**

**Summary: If he could only change, please...he has to. Just to get through this. Tag MBV Season 5 spoilers.**

**Warning: Kinda dark, maybe angsty...yeah -language-ish**

**Disclaimer: I own a pretty funky- wait no...not mine- I have- nope not mine...gee...I guess I just don't own anything. Boo, you whore!**

**Quick happiness to a certain marriage that is sposed to take place on the 27th :) Happy times guys! I want you to want them to know...if we can't have em, they're better be some beaut (and they bloody will) kiddies! Pitter Patter of Padalecki feets! naw Hope you're happy! You deserve the world lads!**

**Here we go- ;)**

**The song is Wouldn't it be good by Nick/Nik Kershaw- nom nom! Enjoy the lyrics, It's quite fitting :) to me too...sometimes on life ya'll see x**

"Dean- Dean...you gotta..." Sam swallowed. "You gotta me...Bobby's...I-can't...I need...uuhhhh"

That was about the second Sam's legs folded and Dean caught him before he faceplanted, blood dripping over Sam's lips and onto Dean's shoulder.

When the first spasm hit, Sam was tightly wrapped in Dean's arms as he grunted loudly, back arching in painful pulls and Dean clamped Sam to himself, they'd not even made it to the car yet.

"Damnit, Cas!" Dean pulled Sam back, locked his arms over Sam's chest and whispered into his ear.

Sweat was pooling on Sam's pale face and he was clenching his teeth, still clearly _with it, _just in a whole load of pain.

"Sammy, C'mon. Breathe"

Sam grunted again, his eyes shutting as his mouth opened in a silent scream and he shook, Dean could feel the tremours through his shirt and jacket.

"Uhhhhhh....De....Dean...."

Sam sagged, limp and breathless, his eyes barely seeing anymore.

Castiel wiped his mouth, and stood over the brothers. "The chamber?"

Dean nodded, feeling the heat rise of his little brother and then a brief pressure as the angel touched him and suddenly Sam's screams were echoing around Bobby's panic room.

_I got it bad  
you don't know how bad I got it.  
You got it easy  
you don't know when you've got it good.  
It's getting harder  
just keeping life and soul together_

Dull, heavy breathing is all he could hear, his heart beat booming, his eyes rolling everytime he looked, time he blinked. _This hurts, this hurts so much...Dean._

"Dean..." Sam moved his arm, frowning when he couldn't, or his legs. "Help" He said weakly, his lips feeling numb, his body empty and yet everything _hurt_ with a deep ache, like a burn.

Looking down Sam saw it was rolls of tape keeping him still, no chains, no rope. "Dean" Sam said louder, his head gave a viscious pain suddenly and he gasped, his heart thrumming faster and he panicked. "DEAN!" It was breathless, frantic.

_  
I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should.  
The cold is biting through each and every nerve and fibre_

He wasn't sure what time it was, even what _day, _but as Sam looked up, cold salted iorn against his back, rubbing sore wrists he saw Dean open the door, lock it shut again and look at him...with just guilt.

Sam blinked as if it hurt, and it did, like drums pounding behind his eyes. He was tired, he'd been sick for hours and he couldn't even think straight, the hot-white-agony still running its course and _when, god when would it stop!_

"Dean" Sam breathed. He was puffing air weakly from his lungs and he knew he wasn't doing good, this time was nothing like his last withdrawal, it seemed to be sticking out, drawing out for longer. "S'not over...lock me up"

Dean's hand touched his knee and Sam gasped, he was too senstive, everywhere.

"I heard you screaming Sam. You gotta know, you can't say yes...please...hold out- we don't know if he can hear you" The fear Sam heard in his brothers voice had him glancing through hanging bangs.

"...It _hurts..._I can't...I..." Sam shook his head slowly. "Ugggghhhh....no...no....Dean! DEAN!"__

My broken spirit is frozen to the core.  
I don't want to be here no more.  


"Cas, he's been screaming for two days now- it seems to wear off and it just gets worse again, that's the second time I've had to...to"

"Tie him down?" The angel answered honestly.

"Yeah" Dean croaked. "Can't you stop him screaming? at least" Watery eyes pleaded with the angel.

"You are afraid, Lucifer will hear Sam's cries?...It is not really your brother Dean. Sam can't see the truth in his hallucinations"

Dean bit his bottom lip, staring at his shoe. When he looked up a lone tear cascaded over his cheek and whispered. "He said yes Cas"

_  
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it was for just one day  
And wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away.  
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side  
The grass in always greener over there.  
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care._

"Please...please...no...no...I can't...no..NO! NO! STOP IT! St-"

The room fell silent, no scuffles, no fighting, no kicking from Sam's cot.

And then he screamed, Dean's name so raw and primal, Dean had to grip the stair railing tight to stop himself from running to his brother.

"DDDDDDEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!"__

You must be joking  
you don't know a thing about it.  
You've got no problems  
I'd stay right there if I were you.  
I got it harder  
you couldn't dream how hard I got it  
Stay out of my shoes if you know what's good for you.

Sam's stuck, he knows he is, chained to the damn wall and he can't help, can't do anything else but watch.

Dean's barely alive, barely breathing and they're laying into him, knives, guns, they've got powers and they're using them and Sam can't stop them because his powers aren't working, and he _needs _them right know, he has to save Dean, the demons...they're...they won't stop and Dean- Dean

Dean's head finally hangs on his chest and a string of blood, dark and black drips from his lips, his chest is bare and bloody and they keep asking, _god, _they _keep asking!_

"NO! No...I can't...I won't...Dean...Dean wake up...please...Dean!"

AnswerusSamwe'.

Dean screams when he's touched, then he's pushed and he still hangs and _his _eyes are looking back at Sam. _Lucifer. _.

The air whisps its way from Dean's lips and his chest barely rises.

Sam can't look at the sight of Dean, forgets everything he's been taught, ever learnt and closes his eyes.

"Yes"

_  
The heat is stifling  
burning me up from the inside.  
The sweat is coming through each and every pore.  
I don't want to be here no more. I don't want to be here no more.  
I don't want to be here no more._

He has to remind himself, it's not hell. It's not. It's not where they tortured Dean, it's not. It was darker, there was more blood...

A spike of pain jolts through Sam and he leans his head back. Cold iron again.

He's been freed, because he said yes? Wasn't it? but his wrists are sore again, sticky? And Sam's legs won't obey him and stay bent near his chest, they're flimsy, exhausted and they fall, like he did. Just like him.

"...like me..." Sam breathes into the gentle whoosh of the ceiling fan.

Sam's throat hurts, his lips are dry and his eyes bloodshot but he keeps them open, keeps watching, he's never alone and he has to...to protect...be there...for...who?...

His bodies burning up, the fever beginning to make it's way, maybe days before it breaks this time and he's not thinking, can't tell reality to imaginationnightmaredreams.

_  
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it was for just one day_

_wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away_

It's nearly to end of day five, and Sam's still screaming. Hoarse, Dean's suprised he isn't making his throat bleed but it sounds like choking air now, like he's gargling glass and taping the kids mouth shut makes him panic, convulse- believe it, Dean's tried.

He sits in with Sam in the final hours, some of Sam's hallucinations have been obvious, and something his geeky brothers mind normally haunts him with. Guilt, and blame all on himself but others...Dean can't understand, can't fathom why...or even how...but he waits and he watches, until Sam's eyes open and he _sees _him.

Sam's turning his head, trying to get away from something and tugging at his wrists and then he makes this sound, like a low keening, a choking in the back of his throat and his lips part.

"....please..." Sam whispers.

"I'm...not....monster...no...did it...saving you, m'sorry Dean..."

Slowly, the dark eyes and hatred that's being directed at him changes, sort of melts out, and dissapates like the spirits they'd hunt, and Sam blinks...he sees Dean, sat at the far side, sadness the only thing in those eyes.

"I'm...sorry" and his nose bleeds.

_wouldn't it be good to be on your side_

_the grass is always greener over there_

_wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care  
I got it bad. you don't know how bad I got it_

"I'm sorry" Sam swallowed. It was day six, but he swore he wouldn't leave the panic room, not until he felt right. Dean guessed it might be never, they'd both been screwed but Sam hadn't answered.

"Sam-"

"I had to say yes. He was...killing you and...and I couldn't let that happen, I can't"

Dean's shoulder brushed Sam's on the cot. "He can't touch me here, not in this reality, not like that"

Sam stayed silent. 'Team free will' running through his head.

"I will never let Michael in" Dean said, stronger than he thought he felt.

Sam shuddered a breath.

"If..." He swallowed. "If they use you against me, I can't promise anything Dean. I'm sorry"

When Sam caught his eyes, tears were burning their way down his cheeks. "I'm not as strong as you...I wish I could be you"

Famine was wrong. Dean still felt things, still had a hunger...a heart...a soul...

And right now, he was terrified for Sam.

"You're the strong one Sammy. You can keep saying no until you have no voice left-"

"I'm not even strong enough to stop the demon blood, I can't live like this...saying no, no...nonononono...and they just bring us back if we die. Dean...I don't want to be here no more, in this life...this cycle. Because they _won't _stop asking...I've seen them-"

"Hey, you're still reeling offt that stuff. You'll see sense soon Sammy okay? All you have to promise me, until then...that you won't let them win. Because I can't..." Dean trembled. "I can't lose you...not to him"

Sam sobbed, fear to face what he was promising and fear for Dean, if they found them.

"Okay...I promise"

Castiel stood at the door, looking in whilst being absolute stealth.

"He won't find you Sam. And Dean will never have to lose his little brother again"

The blue to Cas's eyes grew as the amulet he held glowed, and a small smirk played on his lips.

"Rest now my sons"

**Well, that spiralled out of control :/**

**Hope you enjoyed though- I quite clearly loved writing that! haha :) Ta loves. Enjoys. I'm off in a few hours to work at Lush- they understand my fanly fannerisms.**


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